Knowing How to Choose Your Battles
When going through a separation or divorce, issues are sure to arise.I have yet to see a case that does not, at some point, involve some problem – whether big or small – that needs to be addressed. After all, if there were no problems in the relationship, you probably wouldn’t be considering divorce. If you find yourself venturing down the path to separation and divorce, learning how to master the art of choosing battles will become critical to resolution. In fact, consider picking battles like picking strawberries.
When picking strawberries, you don’t want to, nor should you, pick the berries that have yet to ripen. You also don’t want to pick the berries that are already rotten. You’re looking for the one that is just right. So, you might be wondering, how does this apply to picking your battles during separation and even after divorce?
People can be guilty of jumping to conclusions when it comes to their ex. Emotions are often at an all-time high and trust may be shaky. When something does not go according to plan, it is easy to rush to make accusations that the other person is to blame. Instead, consider giving the situation time to evolve, and allow the other person an opportunity to explain. In situations like this, people risk picking the berry before its time. Instead – allow those fruits to mature and develop. Rather than making an accusation, ask a question, listen, and take it from there. You will find that giving the situation a little time, or the other person a little grace, can sweeten the strawberry so that when you do have to pick it, it tastes far better.
On the other end of the spectrum are those people who allow bad situations and misdeeds to fester. They may choose not to say anything in the moment for fear of creating conflict. Surprisingly, conflict is not always bad. It can be productive if it is addressed in the proper way. If you let that one seed of discontent grow, you may find the fruit ruined. Find a diplomatic and effective way to address issues as they come up. When there is clear conflict, this “see it, say it” approach will help prevent something small from turning into something large by allowing time to pass without comment. Try to get ahead of issues to avoid ruining the entire strawberry patch.
The next time you find yourself preparing to battle, imagine walking among the strawberry fields again. As you’re looking at the fruit in the fields, keep these tips in mind. Don’t rush to conclusions. Pause. Follow your instincts and remember the ultimate goal of finding the best strawberry in the field. With the guidance of your legal counsel, you may just be able to find and enjoy the sweetest of moments this summer!